Streams of Euphoria

since NOBODY EVER POSTS anything...i've decided to help save our bookclub reputation. ( our "bookclub" now transformed into a freelance review club )

Today, i will post about beer. Whilst i am aware that many of our readers do not really fancy beer...or consume much of beer by any chance, i must share with you the types of lager that have come across my taste bud.

I remember the first time i actually enjoyed beer. 2003. It was at a barbeque in Melbourne, when my sister said "Oi. want some stella's?" I was like..."no thanks." without really knowing what she was talking about. Boy oh boy. do i really regret saying 'No' to Stella. She was a diamond. To speak metaphorically, she was a bowl full of yellow piss in disguise. When i found out that it was actually beer, my heart was racing ecstatically in the knowledge that a type of beer could actually have such a fancy, sexy name. To be honest, i took my first sip and i couldn't stop pouring it down my throat ever since. Stella Artois, that is. Unlike Carling the taste of Britain (harhar) Stella has really got the groove goin on, not just in Belgium, but everywhere else around the world! (pun intended for those of you who know what im talkin about or watch alot of Astro) It's really smooth, and it gives you the right after-effect you're looking for. It's like ...swimming in a chocolate river. Imagine - thick, milky and always ever so soothing. You know the beer advertisements you see in movies? YES. the way the guy has his eyes closed after he finishes the whole pint. the way the lady runs down the Great Wall of China. the way the sunlight touches your skin on a breezy afternoon. the way the hot air balloon floats around the horizon in Southern California and the way the geographical silhouette looks in the Cairngorm Mountains. I wouldn't call it an acquired taste...it's either you like it, or you don't because it's really, really that straightforward and distinct.

Carling. It's the cheapest, and has the highest alcohol content of all, what i'd like to call 'B-grade lager'. Most students get it because it's cheap, and it's always on the tap ready to be pulled in almost every pub. It's a bit more bitter, it's not as smooth as Stella, almost as if it has shards of plastic slightly lacerating your oesophagus... BUT... i have always been a big fan of Carling simply because it's cheap and not as bad as Guinness. Guinness....is just so wrong if there isnt blackcurrent cordial in it. Blackcurrent cordial? in STOUT? yes. to get rid of the brawny frizz in your mouth but it's usually for uncles who are over 60. Are you over 60? NO. Hence, no point consuming such harsh liquids. Don't bother, really.

Then there's Fosters. Which falls into the same category as Castlemaine XXXX - both tastes like piss.

the ULTIMATE PISS of the world would have to be Carlsberg. Honestly. What was i thinking when i consumed Carlsberg? It's like summing up 1+1 then realising that the answer 5 doesn't make sense. For those of you who have been deceivingly PERSUADED into thinking Carlsberg is your only ever choice of beer just because there's just too much advertising going on and on about it, my friend, all i have to say to you, is to CHANGE YOUR BEER AND MOVE ON! Kind of like life itself, really. You don't like something, think about it, consider your options, pray about it if you must, and then start moving on. Time waits for no one...and certainly not for shitty Carlsberg.

Of course, this is the part where i have to start contradicting myself. i do drink abit of Carlsberg but ONLY when i have no choice. Beer is beer, at the end of the day. But for those of you who are still wandering about trying to decide what your taste is all about, i suggest you take a shot at Carlsberg actually. It sets the boundary between shit beer and GOOD beer when you taste something else other than Carlsberg.

For Carlsberg drinkers, i'm really sorry but your beer sucks. like crap, it does.

ANYWAY, moving on.

Duvel (yet another Belgian beer) has one of the highest alcohol content in the world! yes yes! One pint and you're like... "hey i thought it took me 3?" and it's really just swallowing real shards of metal this time around. It's great and it'll take me awhile to get used to it. It's not something you take after a game of rugby. It's something you take when you want to spend hours and hours chatting and having a good laugh. When i was in Brussels, i tried beer mixed with peach, strawberry, blackberry cordials...and my friends, they were AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even my mom agrees!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i could go on. but i won't. Three reasons:

1) i've only been drinking the aforementioned beers. the rest are only consumed occasionally hence i can't really give proper reviews. it would be inappropriate.

2) it's abit late and there are just too many things about beer to rant about.

3) do not want to encourage weight-watchers to be inclined to drinking beer as it is very pot-belly inducing.



note to readers:
* if you are under 18, you shouldn't have read this. but you already have, so if you get drunk, and you hurt yourself, your best mate, girlfriend, boyfriend or a dog whilst driving under the influence of alcohol, it's your fault...and i will make sure you do not bring this site down with you when you are in court trying to save your sorry, sorry ass.

* if you are over 18 and don't like alcohol (particularly 'beer'), bugger off.

* if you are my friend and you do not approve of this post...well... then what kind of a friend are you?

* if i dont know you and you are over 18 but don't like this post, i don't really care and i will make sure you don't get a membership in this exclusive elite review club.


Till next time....

PEACE!
Karmern